5432fun

my mom gets so sad when she sees holes in my clothes. i have these favorite boots, and they both have holes in a spot where it makes sense for them to wear out with regular use but the rest of the shoe still works fine i think. but mom gets so bummed when she sees them. she's like "what did i do to deserve this?" and "oh god, what did i do wrong?" even though i'm like a pretty okay person and do some cool things in this world, and my shoes have nothing to do with her. is this just a common mom reaction? or like, an immigrant parent thing?

i did a lot of research the past couple months and got a nice new backpack because my backpack was also one of the items that made my mom sad. and yah, i agree that it was disgusting, but it still worked fine. but i showed my mom my new backpack tonight and she was so happy. i've been looking forward to showing it to her. and i'm going to try really hard to keep it nice, though often life happens so no guarantees. mom loved the backpack but told me i still better not wear the shoes with holes next time i see her hahaha.

i'm 37 and i wonder about if/when any of this will change with age. like, at some point will i start caring about whether my clothes have holes in them? would it have happened already if it was going to? or, will my mom stop caring about whether my clothes have holes in them? generally i don't understand how age works and what if i never have kids of my own? will i just be treated like a child forever? or, for those of you with kids, do your parents still infantilize you anyway? obviously all parent-child relationships look different, but i just don't feel like i have any reference points.

mom, i know you see these posts and i love you and i know that we share many of the same values. and i don't want to ever make you sad. and i will try to remember to wear a costume if you need me to but i will also continue to challenge you because i think that, too, can mean love.

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00:00 (intro by omar)
00:20 Fitness Womxn "easy" New Age Record
02:36 Jacob Sachs-Mishalanie "Dance" Black Garden OST
05:04 Soft Fangs "Joy Ride" Drawing Heaven from Memory
08:02 James Aranda "Floating Down the River" Heavy Meadow
11:06 Nightmom "So Hot (Live @ The Biko Garage)" Drain Diaries
13:04 Ted Taforo "Computers" BETWEEN DREAMS
15:23 ylayali "man in the box" today
19:32 Mid-Air Thief "Gameun Deut" Crumbling
24:35 Jason Anderson "Little Things" Winter Songs IV
26:20 Good Doom "ongoing leisure revolution" Ongoing Leisure Revolution
29:27 Yeehaw Junction "Silverado" Demo
31:57 The Expos "Sweet" Flavor City
33:42 Worm Cafe "walk out" fantasies / walk out
36:29 Abronia "New Winds for the Warming Sands" The Whole of Each Eye
42:31 Mooey Moobau "Two One-Legged Man" Powder, and All That Store-Bought Hair
45:16 Treadles "Skin Crawls" And The Rocks And The Trees And The Empty Air Between
47:27 Throwaway "Exotic Bird" WHAT?
50:15 GEE TEE "Chromo-Zone" Chromo-Zone
51:42 Nag "A freeze" Red Panda
53:15 Anna Vo "Everlasting Glow" VO // I call upon the dead to rise SP
57:13 nine of swords "daylight" you will never die
58:55 Banafsh "MOTHER OF SIGHS" THE THREE MOTHERS
61:09 Prism "Lust and Trouble" Demo
63:47 L.U.S.T. "Dark Place" Life Under Systemic Terror
66:12 Happy and You Know It "Days Roll By" Mechanism